Help them by not helping them

It was hard for me to realize and accept when I crossed the line of enabling Shelby. Upon realizing that my help was enabling him to fuel his addiction, I had to initiate tough love and stop helping him. It was one of the hardest things I'd ever done in my life. The emotional turmoil was equal to the time we had an intervention with him and sent him to rehab and almost equal to the day we buried his earthy vessel. As you may know, I'm not one to hide dirty laundry, even when I should. I must tell you that my family is dealing with another family member in need of help. I need for the whole family to participate in not enabling this particular family member in their addiction. We have tried and tried to help the person in question and tried even more to stop the enablers from enabling. A lot of enablers think if they take control of the situation and make deals with the addicted person, they can save the person from their disease. Helping a person with the disease of addiction actually hinders them. Please do not misunderstand me - loved ones, who enable people that have the disease of addiction, are not bad people. Their hearts are in the right place. A lot of individuals are lost and don't know how to handle a friend or family member who needs addiction treatment, so they try to "help" them. Here are two articles about enabling I thought were very insightful. If you think you are enabling or know someone who is an enabler, please read these two articles. I've also added two more articles discussing nar anon and al anon. Both nar anon and al anon are support groups for friends and families of persons afflicted with the disease of addiction. Please read and see if one of those groups is right for you. You cannot fix them. You cannot help them. If you help them, you are only helping them to kill themselves with drugs and alcohol. The only way for your loved one or friend to get help is to seek treatment. Not next week, not next month - NOW! TODAY!